


Episode 69: Outtakes

by ShitpostingfromtheBarricade



Series: Web Series AU [7]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Don't copy to another site, Gen, Third Person Limited POV, Web series AU, Webseries AU, friendship fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 11:00:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17765537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShitpostingfromtheBarricade/pseuds/ShitpostingfromtheBarricade
Summary: Courfeyrac and Cosette discuss edits to the latest video.This is the accompanying piece toEpisode 72of theMysteries of 24601 Web Series AU. This won't make too much sense if read by itself, but you're more than welcome to try.Warnings:some language, reference to illegal activity, passing reference to hooking up, innuendo, exactly the sex joke you're expecting from this episode number





	Episode 69: Outtakes

**Author's Note:**

> Repaired by the best beta-reader one could ask for, [PieceOfCait](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PieceOfCait/pseuds/PieceOfCait).
> 
> The links do work but aren't necessary to understanding or enjoying the fic. The videos are T-rated for rude gestures. Volume warning.

“I didn’t do the time, I don’t have the same qualification, and it’s disrespectful to the title for me to refer to myself as a ‘doctor’ when I am a nurse,” Joly complains. 

“But you’re not calling yourself a doctor, we’d just be calling you ‘Doc,’” Bossuet points out. “Totally different.”

“No! It’s! Not!” 

“Does he have this problem with Bugs Bunny?” Cosette asks Bossuet.

Bossuet waves his finger in the air, delighted. “Bugs Bunny! We don’t assume every person he calls ‘Doc’ is a doctor. And I’d bet money that no one assumes the dwarf in Snow White has his doctorate in any subject.”

“And should we count that as racism against dwarves or appropriation of the title of ‘Doctor’?” Joly asks dryly.

“It is rather belittling,” Bossuet admits.

“Hard to say if Snow White’s friend would be up to the task,” Cosette adds.

“Maybe if we didn’t look down on him?” Bossuet volunteers.

“We could start by raising our expectations,” Joly tentatively offers, serious expression cracking

[ _ **CF:** Why did you cut this part?_]  
[ _ **JC:** It’s still in there, I just cut the other 8:47 of it_]  
[ _ **CF:** Good call._] 

 

“Are we not-so-subtly referring to the time Courf was too embarrassed to ask what his girlfriend’s name was and covered by calling her weird Spanish petnames until he broke up with her for not being able to correctly pronounce his name?” Joly asks.

“Actually I was referring to the time he dated that guy for a week because of his, quote, ‘super-sexy back tattoo,’” Bossuet clarifies. “But we should have been referring to that one, I’d totally forgotten.”

“What about that person in the club Courf was all over until he found out they voted FN?” Cosette offers.

“That one’s fair,” Joly informs her.

“I did the same thing back when I was single. You only make it to their place once before it becomes something you check every time, right after their age.” Bossuet shudders. “Hey, does anyone remember the time--”

“Sorry to interrupt,” Cosette inserts, “but you do know Courf’s going to cut all of this, right?” 

“Oh, of course.”

“No doubt,” Bossuet agrees. “But do _you_ know that he once--”

[ _ **JC:** I resent that implication._]  
[ _ **CF:** So you’re not cutting it? :D_]  
[ _ **JC:** I can do both._] 

 

“Honestly, I’m surprised he hasn’t been absolutely terrorizing your videos with Daddy captions,” Bossuet comments. 

*Oh, but I have.* 

“That’s because I have final approval on everything that gets uploaded. You wouldn’t believe the kind of filth he made me read in the beginning.” 

*The truth hurts, Babe.* 

“Can we get a highlight reel on some of those?” Joly asks, sly eyebrow raised.

“No.” 

*Dictator Cosette, seizing the means of Daddy production.*

[ _ **CF:** We’ve discussed this. Get rid of these._]  
[ _ **JC:** [You don’t own me.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_dExRpUylI)_]  
[ _ **CF:** Is this that ridiculous video again?_]  
[ _ **CF:** I’m serious, cut this._]  
[ _ **JC:** FINE._]  
[ _ **JC:** I was going to get rid of it anyway._]  
[ _ **JC:** Not because of you or anything, just because I wanted to._] 

 

“Wait, Cosette, you don’t know what 69-ing means?” Joly asks, perplexed. “Why did you think we were so psyched for this episode?” 

“Maybe it was your favorite number?” 

“ _Yeah_ it is,” Bossuet smirks. 

“So wait, what is it then?” 

Bossuet and Joly exchange looks. 

“Are you familiar with the concept of oral sex?” 

“Yes.” 

*That’s a lie. A confident one, but a lie.* 

“Really?” Joly responds, looking unconvinced. “Explain.” 

“You...you use your...words?” 

*Awwwwww, she tried.* 

“No,” Joly says, stopping her, “though I appreciate the effort.”

[ _ **CF:** Is this really appropriate?_]  
[ _ **JC:** Cosette. Pls. Give me this one thing._]  
[ _ **CF:** Reminder that my father literally thought you were upset with him the one time you didn’t call him “Daddy,” and I had to relay that information to you. Verbally._]  
[ _ **JC:** Orally?_]  
[ __ **CF:** -_-]  
[ _ **CF:** Discussed it with Ep, you can keep this section._]  
[ _ **JC:** [(⌐■_■)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_dExRpUylI)_]  
[ _ **CF:** Omg can you stop?_] 

__

 

Bossuet is laying flat on the ground fishing keys out of the gutter. Joly seems unconcerned and does something on his phone while Cosette talks from behind the camera. 

“Guys, don’t worry about it, we’ll just hotwire the car and get your spare keys from the house.” 

Bossuet looks up at her in open-mouthed surprise. 

“What?” Joly’s voice asks, camera only swinging up to him from Bossuet after the thought is relayed. 

“Hotwire the car. Here, it’s easy,” she says, starting for the vehicle. 

Bossuet pulls himself up from the ground, moving in front of the camera. “No, no, no, Cosette, you can’t do that.” 

“What’s the problem?” 

“Well, for one thing, that’s a major gray-area item on the legality scale,” Joly explains. 

“Leaning toward black.” 

“Definitely charcoal.” 

“But also our house keys are on the keychain, too,” Bossuet adds. 

“So we’ll just pick the lock, no big deal.” 

“Cosette, no--”

[ _ **CF:** Why did this get cut? Too many details?_]  
[ _ **JC:** It’s illegal??_]  
[ _ **CF:** ????? Really???_]  
[ _ **JC:** Yes._]  
[ _ **JC:** But it’s also p cool, so I’ll see if I can find a clip where you’re less obviously eager to break the law. Tbh this whole interaction could be an episode._]  
[ _ **CF:** Ep never said anything about it._]  
[ _ **CF:** What do you mean?_]  
[ _ **JC:** Skills and experiences you think are normal vs skills and experiences everyone else thinks are._]  
[ _ **JC:** Babe, Ep might not be the greatest reference for these things._]  
[ _ **CF:** Oooh, I like it. I’ll play around with it and see what happens._]  
[ _ **CF:** Ah. Noted._] 

 

Cosette, Joly, and Bossuet laze languidly on the wraparound couch that resides in the break room of the latter two’s girlfriend’s cafe.

“Oh man, and do you remember the time he chased down that creep that was bothering Jehan? God, I thought that shit didn’t exist outside of vigilante justice serials,” Bossuet exclaims.

“Bossuet,” Joly chides with a nudge. “Language.”

Bossuet waves off the concern. “The episodes always get cleaned up in editing anyway.”

“True,” Joly shrugs. “Do you remember after with Montparnasse? I thought he was gonna have an actual conniption, the way he was stuttering after Courf. His face nearly turned a color!”

“I never really thought about it,” Cosette adds genially, “but I guess that’s probably what led to their truce, huh?”

Joly and Bossuet both look thoughtful at that. 

“Courf was already looking for a peace offering before then,” Joly recalls. “If I remember correctly, it just kinda worked out that they talked after.”

“He doesn’t actually like holding grudges,” Bossuet adds. “Like. I know sometimes it seems like it, but he is really sensitive to that sort of thing. He just puts protecting his friends above that, and he was worried about Jehan hanging with 'Parnasse.”

“I’ve always really admired him for that,” Joly says, smiling shyly.

“Worrying over Jehan?” Cosette teases.

Joly tips his head up in an indignant jerk, still smirking and he gently kicks in Cosette’s direction. “Prioritizing his friends' safety and comfort above all else.”

Bossuet nudges the smaller man. “Hey, I saw you go off on those anti-vaxxers last week: you definitely step up when it counts.”

Joly leans into him, nustling Bossuet gently. “I just feel honored to have Courf as a friend.”

[ _ **CF:** UmmmmMMMMMMM_]  
[ _ **CF:** Is there a reason this got cut???_]  
[ _ **JC:** Wasn’t this section just supposed to be you guys recapping on the day while you wait for Muse?_]  
[ _ **CF:** When has that ever stopped you from including a worthwhile clip?_]  
[ _ **CF:** Your takedown of that creep was l e g e n d a r y, you have to know that._]  
[ _ **JC:** It has nothing to do with you, your dad, or your hospital adventure. If these videos don’t have focus you lose your viewers._]  
[ _ **CF:** You and R’s last video was a lava lamp._]  
[ _ **CF:** Neither of you even showed up, it was just twelve minutes of lava lamp._]  
[ _ **JC:** See? Focused as hell._]  
[ _ **JC:** The stoner audience loved it, and R and I got an afternoon off: everyone wins._]  
[ _ **CF:** And your wanting to cut this clip has nothing to do with us complimenting you?_]  
[ _ **JC:** Uh, Honey. Have I ever once in my existence turned down a well-deserved compliment? ;) ;) ;) _]  
[ _ **CF:** Yes. Every time I say anything about you that isn’t about your superficial appearance._]  
[ _ **CF:** Papa's noticed too._]  
[ _ **JC:** Tell you what: if you do an episode that has literally anything to do with me, you can say whatever nice things you want, and I’ll keep them. ;) _]  
[ _ **CF:** I’ll hold you to that._]  
[ _ **JC:** I’m keeping the cut then._]  
[ _ **CF:** If that’s what makes you most comfortable. <3_]  
[ _ **CF:** FOR NOW. >:)_ ]  
[ _ **JC:** Mmmmmmkay._]  
[ _ **JC:** I’m going to bed now, I’ll try to have this cleaned up and ready to go tomorrow._]  
[ _ **CF:** Okay, g’night! Sleep well!_]  
[ _ **JC:** [sure thing.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_dExRpUylI)_]  
[ _ **CF:** I’m not falling for it this time._]  
[ _ **CF:** I’m not clicking it. I have more self-control than that._]  
[ _ **CF:** Honestly, you’re really underestimating me and my self-control at this point._]  
[ _ **CF:** …_]  
[ _ **CF:** COURF_] 

**Author's Note:**

> Sass never rests.
> 
> (Important point of clarification: the "dwarves" joked about in this fic refer to the fictional race, not little people.)
> 
> FN stands for _Front National_ (National Front), a right-wing political party in France. They rebranded themselves as _Rassemblement National_ (National Rally) in June 2018, but this episode is from Spring 2017, so...
> 
> Next episode is [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17561900/chapters/42051971#workskin)!
> 
> What did you think? Please let me know below or at my [tumblr](http://shitpostingfromthebarricade.tumblr.com)!


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